What to do if people say hurtful things
People usually say hurtful things by accident but sometimes on purpose. Have a look at our guide on how to respond.
You might sometimes get asked questions about the way you look. This page is here to help you respond to those questions.
Sometimes people who look different get asked questions about how they look. You may not mind this too much – but sometimes it might get on your nerves or even upset you. There may be times when you don’t feel like answering at all.
This page is here to help you respond to questions about the way you look.
It can be helpful to think about what you want to say when you’re on your own or with friends or family. This can help you to feel more confident and ready when you are asked a question.
Try thinking about these questions:
It might seem a bit funny at first – but if you have your responses ready and practise them, this can help you to feel OK about the situation when it happens.
It’s up to you. You can decide how you want to answer – or choose not to reply at all. Here are some different things you could do:
You could just say to the person you don’t want to talk right now:
If someone asks you about your visible difference you might want to say a little about yourself.
If you feel like it, you might want to add something like this:
People are often curious at first but this will probably be enough for most people. They probably won’t ask any more questions.
Sometimes, saying more feels OK. If you want to, you could give some extra information. This might be when you know someone a bit better and you’re happy to tell them a more.
It’s up to you though – you only need to say more when you feel like it.
Here is an example of how you might use a longer description:
Kas has met Lulu for the first time at a youth club. They’ve been talking for 20 minutes, chatting about a fashion channel they both follow on YouTube. Kas gets on with Lulu and it feels natural to talk about her condition.
“Of course, I don’t really need to use blusher on this side of my face anyway,” she says, pointing to the birthmark that covers the left side of her face.
Lulu looks a bit serious and asks, “Does it hurt?”
Kas says, “No, it’s fine.” She goes on to explain more about her birthmark, how she was born with it, how it got bigger. She tells Lulu she is seeing doctors now to talk about another operation, but she’s not sure if she wants to do that or not.
“Well I think you look fine,” says Lulu, “And you have the best trainers! I want them.”
People usually say hurtful things by accident but sometimes on purpose. Have a look at our guide on how to respond.
We’ve brought together five tools to help you feel more confident. Give them a try and see if any of them help.