I’m Toni, I’m a Sister in my local A&E and I was born with a haemangioma, which is a benign vascular tumour made up of extra blood vessels. As a result, I’ve had over 40 surgeries, leaving me with very visible scarring.
Throughout my life I’ve been asked many questions by people about my visible difference. Some people assume I’ve been attacked because of the extent of my scarring. This has been tough to deal with emotionally. Gaining confidence when others are frequently commenting on your appearance isn’t easy.
I had a particularly difficult time in school. Having 40 surgeries over my lifetime meant I missed out on a lot of my education, including the more social aspects of it. Spending your childhood in hospital is tricky to overcome, as you lose out on the friendships you could have created and the usual experiences you treasure when you get older.
Toni felt she missed out on a lot as a child
When I was 11 years old, my mental health took a turn for the worst, and I considered ending my life. Thankfully, this is when my mum discovered Changing Faces. I received counselling and became part of their team for young people. The support I got shaped me into who I am today. Without it, I don’t think I’d be as confident or as capable of dealing with the comments and stares I experience in my day-to-day life.
Changing Faces’ 1-2-1 counselling service enabled me to express how I was feeling, something that can be tricky to do when you’re at your most vulnerable but is so incredibly important. I learnt how to handle the questions and comments I received from people and found a way to talk about why I looked different that I was comfortable with. This gave me more confidence to face the world.
As I’ve got older, I’ve also developed a brilliant support system of friends and family. There have been numerous times when my appearance has been questioned in public and my friends have stepped in to put a stop to it. I’m so grateful for them and the kindness they show me.
Seeing ourselves alongside the “norm” would be hugely positive for those of us who are often made to feel like outsiders.
For people with a visible difference who are struggling with their mental health like I did, I encourage them to seek support. There are amazing organisations like Changing Faces out there who can offer advice and guidance, and there is absolutely no shame in admitting that you need help. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done, and I have absolutely no regrets.
Finding your confidence is a journey, and it can be a long twisty one, but you will get there. Accepting the support of others is key to this.
In the future, I’d like to see more media representation for people with visible differences. Seeing ourselves alongside the “norm” would be hugely positive for those of us who are often made to feel like outsiders. I work for the NHS and even then, I rarely see people with visible differences represented in recruitment campaigns and other marketing materials.
It’s time we’re seen positively by society rather than stared at as anomalies.
