My name is Tee, I’m 21 years old and I’ve got a condition called anterior encephalocele. It’s a rare condition where part of the skull has not formed properly, so a portion of brain tissue sits outside the skull and must be operated on. Last year, I shared my story with Changing Faces to raise awareness of the condition and share my experiences of having a visible difference.
Coming out of a relationship at the end of June made me realise that being comfortable and content in who I am is all that matters to me.
When I was going through the breakup, my mental health took a turn for the worse. At the time, I just had no faith in anything or anyone, including myself.
But, I never gave up.
I started to work on rebuilding my confidence. As I did, I started to explore questions that I’ve always had about my identity, deep down.
I’ve thought I might be trans before, but never felt ready to explore these feelings until the relationship ended and I had more space to think about myself and who I am. Figuring out my preferred pronouns (he/him/his) has been a great start to this journey.
Being trans on top of having a visible difference sometimes makes me feel that I have to prove myself more.
Deep down, I’ve always known that I was meant to be born male. I’ve never really been comfortable in the body that I have. At a young age, I found myself wanting to wear only boys’ clothes, and I used to question why I didn’t look like other boys. I hated being called a girl. As I got older, I became more aware that inside, I was a boy – even though my body said differently. Binding has helped me a lot, and finally getting a GP appointment to start my transition has been a huge relief.
I didn’t expect it, but coming out as a trans male has given me more confidence in doing day to day things, meeting new people and doing things that I actually enjoy. I have a large following on TikTok, and I love to express who I am and show people that it’s ok to look different. I live stream and create videos that uplift and inspire positivity.
Experimenting with different hairstyles and different styles of clothing has given me the confidence to find my authentic self. I’ve always felt most comfortable wearing tracksuits and baggy clothing, and the trainers that I wear too. Trainers are a really important part of my wardrobe, and always have been. They’re now a part of my male transition – paired with a tracksuit to make a statement: I am male. It might be a subtle statement, but it’s made me feel more relaxed, because I don’t go to the clothing or shoe section that’s marketed towards women.
It’s not been easy. Mainly because, most days I have to face people’s reactions to my visible difference and show them that it doesn’t define me as a person, but I’ve also been dealing with an internal battle about my true gender and identity. Being trans on top of having a visible difference sometimes makes me feel that I have to prove myself more.
I feel like when I’m out and about in clothes I feel I belong in, I find it easier to cope with people’s reactions to my visible difference.
For anyone who’s struggling to find themselves: Live each day like there’s no tomorrow. And be you. Your life is all that matters in this world – don’t live it for anybody else.
To counteract these overwhelming feelings, I accept that while I might look different, it doesn’t change what I enjoy, or the way that I talk to people. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you look like or what your gender is, as long as you are being true to yourself. If you’re a decent person, that’s what matters.
This is the start of reaching a new destination for me. For anyone, this can be a very hard time, but for someone with a visible difference it can be exhausting and draining in a way that it might not be for people who don’t have a visible difference. Not because of any confusion around gender, but because trying to be confident in how I already look can be a struggle. That doesn’t mean we’re not entitled to be who we are as humans. Having supportive people by my side guiding me down the right path has helped me come to terms with these feelings.
I’d like to say a big thanks to my family, friends and supporters. I’d even like to say a big thank you to the haters – you’ve given me the determination to achieve even more!
For anyone who’s struggling to find themselves: Live each day like there’s no tomorrow. And be you. Your life is all that matters in this world – don’t live it for anybody else.
