For people with visible differences, it’s not uncommon to have people stare or comment on their appearance due to curiosity. A desire to learn is fine, but how we speak to people about their visible differences can have a huge impact on that person’s day depending on the tone and words used.
To create a more understanding and accepting society, we need to educate children early on about visible differences and learn how best to handle their curiosity. If we don’t, ignorance can turn into bullying, and that’s what we want to avoid.
My advice:
1. A smile goes a long way
If a child stares at me, 99% of the time they are simply curious because they haven’t seen someone who looks like me before. That’s why I like to give them a smile to show that I’m friendly, and to eliminate any fear they may have from seeing something “unknown”. Most of the time, I’ll get a smile back. This goes for adults too!
2. Keep things simple
Children might ask “what’s that on your face?” or something similar. Instead of using big medical words, it’s easier for them to understand if you use terms that don’t need further explanation. For example, I might say “I have a birthmark. It’s a red mark that I was born with.” This might be all the information they need, or they may have some follow-up questions.
Keeping the conversation simple allows them to address their curiosity without confusion, and hopefully they’ll go away with greater understanding and acceptance.
3. Parents are important
The way a parent reacts to their child asking about a person with a visible difference can be make or break. Telling your child off or pulling them away from the situation can cause them to associate visible differences with negativity. Instead, enable their curiosity in a positive way.
We must have conversations in a way that ensures both parties go away feeling comfortable and happy.
Explain that although a person looks different, they’re still the same on the inside. Help them to ask any questions they have in a way that doesn’t make the person with a visible difference uncomfortable.
If you know that your child is going to be meeting someone with a visible difference, talk to them beforehand about the person’s condition, and show them pictures if you can. This will help to avoid any awkward first reactions.
4. Respect boundaries
Nobody owes anyone an explanation about their appearance. Sometimes, people aren’t in the right mindset to talk about their visible differences, and that is okay.
For people with a visible difference, don’t cross a line that you’ve set yourself to make someone else feel comfortable, even if it’s a child who has approached you. The responsibility of educating people does not sit on your shoulders alone, so don’t be afraid to say no.
For people without a visible difference, don’t force someone to provide information they don’t want to give. Respect their boundaries and educate yourself – or your child – independently.
We need to talk about visible differences to improve acceptance and reduce discrimination and bullying. However, we must have these conversations in a way that ensures both parties go away feeling comfortable and happy.
