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Reach out – what to do if your child is being bullied

11 November 2022

Our Wellbeing Co-ordinator, Sam, shares top tips for parents whose children are being bullied for looking different.

Staff & volunteers

I’m Sam, the Children and Young People’s Wellbeing Co-ordinator at Changing Faces. In partnership with Julie, Senior Practitioner, I run a series of online workshops for children, young people and their families.

Often the young people we support tell us they experience teasing and bullying because of looking different and our research tells us that sadly this is too often the case for young people with a visible difference. A key part of our online workshops looks at tools and techniques in how to manage bullying and feel more empowered.

Today, I’m going to talk you through some of those tools and techniques.

Although it can be tempting to take matters into your own hands and contact the other parents, it’s important to keep a cool head. Try to be the ‘calm within your child’s storm’.

Sam, Wellbeing Co-ordinator

Be the calm within your child’s storm

Bullying can have a massive impact on a young person’s self-esteem and self-confidence and can make them feel anxious and alone and even wonder whether it is their fault they are being bullied.

If your child is being bullied, listen carefully to what they are saying and take time to find out the details of what has happened, and how they’re feeling.

Although it can be tempting to take matters into your own hands and contact the other parents, it’s important to keep a cool head. Try to be the ‘calm within your child’s storm’.

Keeping calm will also make it more likely that your child will talk to you if there is any more bullying in the future as they won’t be as worried that you might ‘dive in’ and get upset.

Give the power back to your child

Repeat back to your child in their words what they have said to you and ask them what they feel the plan should be to deal with the bullying.

It’s important that your child feels central to any decisions that are made when it comes to dealing with bullying and that they feel supported enough to say what they would like to happen and what would work best for them.

Seek support in school

We often encourage the young people we support to have a ‘go to’ person in school that they feel they can trust and who understands them and the issues they may face on a day-to-day basis because of having a visible difference. This can be anyone from their class teacher to a SENCO, classroom assistant, or pastoral support team member.

If the bullying is related to school in any way, and this relationship is in place already, encourage your child to speak to that member of staff and tell them what is happening. They can then look, in partnership with your child and yourself, at ways to manage the situation and move forward. Remember, it’s key that your child’s wishes remain at the heart of any plan to manage the bullying.

Bullying is about taking the power away from an individual and the bully’s goal is to get a reaction.

Sam, Wellbeing Co-ordinator

Not every teacher or school may feel confident in how to talk about visible differences, which could impact their ability to tackle appearance-related bullying effectively. We’ve got training and classroom resources for schools, so teachers can better understand how they can help. You and your child might want to share these with a member of staff.

Advice for your child in the event of bullying

When bullying is taking place, it’s important that your child tries to stay calm. This is difficult but it can make a real difference to the impact on them and the response of the bully.

Stop, walk and talk

Bullying is about taking the power away from an individual and the bully’s goal is to get a reaction.

We recommend the “stop, walk and talk technique.” Here’s a step-by-step for your child when interacting with a bully.

Keep calm and don’t respond
Walk away with conviction
Find a safe space and someone you trust to talk with them

Young people creating a mind map about stereotypes on a piece of paper

Learn more about our workshops

Growing up is difficult for most people, but it can be even harder if you look different. At our workshops, you can discover valuable tips and techniques which help with issues such as teasing, bullying, social anxiety and social isolation.

Workshops for children and families

Fake it till you make it

Showing confident body language is another tool your child can use even if they don’t feel it. Practising the ‘fake it till you make it’ approach by standing tall with shoulders back and head held high can all help to make them feel more empowered in the situation.

Ask your child to imagine a piece of string pulling up from their head which automatically brings the head up and gives the impression of confidence.

Practising deep breaths with a longer exhale breath than in-breath, can also help to calm the body.

Bullying on social media

As well as school, the realm of social media and gaming platforms can also be a place for bullying.

Help your child to not be afraid to block people on social media channels and to instead follow people who inspire them and share the same interests and ideas as them. You can also take screen shots of any nasty comments they may receive.

Rebuilding your child’s self-esteem

Another key tool in dealing with bullying is to help your child feel more confident in themselves, by encouraging them to recognise their strengths as an individual. What makes them unique? Are they a good listener? Are they funny? Are they a trusted friend to others? What are they good at? What makes them feel special or proud?

Help your child to look out for the thoughts they might have about themselves that might be negative such as ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I’m rubbish’ or ‘I’m ugly’ and help them to challenge these.

Hobbies are important

Nurturing activities and hobbies outside of school is also very positive as it can encourage new friendship groups to emerge.

Help your child to take more time to do the things they love – maybe they like netball, singing, football, gaming, walking the dog, or even star gazing. Support them to recognise their strengths and be kind to themselves and try to be their own best friend.

Getting plenty of sleep and exercise are also key to good mental and physical wellbeing and help them to try to and cut down on looking at screens. Getting out into nature, whether that’s a long stroll in the countryside, or walking around the park, have been found to be very beneficial for positive mental health as well.

Reach out

This year’s theme of Anti-Bullying Week is reach out. It highlights the importance of a young person asking others for help and support, whether that’s a parent, family, friend, or teacher. It’s crucial that they don’t feel isolated, or experience bullying alone.

In our workshops we explore tools and techniques to help you and your child manage day-to-day issues around looking different. Our inspiring Changing Faces’ young champions often join these workshops, sharing their experiences of having a visible difference.

If your child is experiencing bullying and would like support, we offer free and confidential one-to-one emotional wellbeing support and coaching for young people and the whole family. We can help you talk about your feelings and experiences as a parent and how you can empower your child. We recognise that bullying has repercussions on the whole family.

We also offer a range of online workshops for teenagers, parents and families, where we explore tools and techniques to help you and your child manage day-to-day issues around looking different. Our inspiring Changing Faces’ young champions often join these workshops, sharing their experiences of having a visible difference.

Remember, it’s always the right time to reach out. You are never on your own; there is always someone you or your child can reach out to.

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Counselling support for children and young people

Our counselling support service give you and your child the opportunity to speak to a practitioner about living with a visible difference in a safe, confidential space.

Learn more