I’m Rachel, I’m 27 and I’ve lived with a visible difference since I was a baby. During the first six months of my life, I developed a haemangioma on my left cheek, which required laser surgery and multiple operations at Great Ormond Street Hospital. I also had serious skin issues such as eczema, which impacted my care.
I feel so much for my parents who felt so helpless during this time. 27 years ago, it wasn’t as “normalised” to have differences. They had support from other parents at Great Ormond Street but other than that, I know they felt very alone and guilty, even though it was never their fault. They always felt really frustrated and upset when people stared at me, and there was nowhere they knew to go to for advice.
Rachel as a baby before her haemangioma was removed
I have always been incredibly self-conscious of the scarring that remains on my cheek. As a child, I was bullied and called names like “scar face”. It wasn’t only the children that caused problems for me at school either. One particular memory that stands out to me is a primary school teacher, after I was back from one of my surgeries, making me stand up in front of the whole class, announcing where I’d been and asking everyone to clap for my return, which mortified me. I still have bad dreams about it now!
Even as an adult, I always try and face people with the “normal” side of my face and have tried to cover my scar with my hair and excessive makeup. If any pictures are taken of me where my scar is visible, I will use editing software on my phone to try and cover it. I don’t think I will ever truly feel confident in how I look and that is really sad to think.
As I’ve got older, I have been better able to embrace my difference, and I’ve tried to boost my confidence. However, it can be difficult and often exhausting.
I wish I knew about Changing Faces sooner, because I honestly think seeing more people that looked and felt like me would have helped. I am so proud of the person I have become but also grieve for how much time I spent hiding away and not wanting to face the world because of one tiny part of me. I want to help anyone else who feels like that.
I hope in the future that more people simply learn to be kind. If someone is different, it means they’ve gone through a lot to be where they are now.
I’ve been through a lot more than other people ever do, and that’s made me a stronger and more resilient person. Any difference that people may or may not see is only a small part of me and without it I wouldn’t be the same person. I spent so much time and energy trying to hide my scar when really, the people that truly mattered to me only ever noticed my personality. It’s a strength that I have over others, and I really wish I could go back and give younger me a hug and show her how little her visible difference will end up defining her.
I was always really worried about public speaking and meeting new people when I was younger, in case they would ask questions about my difference. I was an incredibly shy child. In my job now, I have to meet people regularly and do public speaking. I also now very rarely wear makeup which teenage me would never have imagined! I’m so proud of how far I’ve come.
I hope in the future that more people simply learn to be kind. If someone is different, it means they’ve gone through a lot to be where they are now. It’s fine to be curious and I totally understand people might have questions, but words matter. Social media is so full of people trying to look perfect and it’s not reality – everyone is different and that’s a beautiful thing.
I’d love for any parent of a child with a visible difference who lies awake worrying about their future, their confidence, or the challenges they might face to read this story and realise that the future is so often brighter, fuller, and less frightening than they imagine. If my mum and dad could have seen the life I’d go on to live when I was little, it would have changed everything for them.
