Hi! My name is Olivia. I am 18 years old, and I have acne. I first became aware of my acne when I was around 11, when I developed a few pimples here and there. I wasn’t severely affected by my acne at this point – perhaps because I didn’t worry about my appearance a great deal at this age.
However, by the age of 14, my acne became significantly more prominent. I started to receive comments from my school peers about how my skin was “dirty” and “unclean.” Sometimes, I would overhear these negative comments about my skin whilst walking through a corridor or past a classroom. Other times, people would come and speak to me about what was being said behind my back.
This truly knocked my confidence and I became extremely self-conscious about my acne. It began to negatively affect every aspect of my life. I would cry about my appearance most days and would put as much makeup on as possible to try and reduce the visibility of it – even though the vigorous makeup routine was extremely painful.
I was directly called names such as “spotty creature” and “she’s so ugly”
After being prescribed two topical creams, the contraceptive pill, and three rounds of antibiotics, all of which did not work, I was prescribed a medication called Accutane. I wanted my skin to clear so desperately, but I was in two minds about whether or not to continue with the treatment due to what felt like an endless list of potential side effects. I wanted to feel “pretty” without being at any physical risks from medications. With little to no positive representation of acne at the time, I didn’t really understand that you can be pretty and have acne.
When I decided to begin taking medication for my acne, I luckily didn’t experience many of the listed side effects. But my skin did become extremely dry. It became impossible for me to continue wearing as much makeup as possible to cover my acne. I decided to take the plunge and go natural for what felt like the first time in forever.
At this time, I was 16 and preparing for my upcoming GCSE exams. I remember the first day I went into school without any makeup on, knowing that the most vulnerable parts of myself were visible to everybody. I remember keeping my eyes to the floor, staring at the ground and feeling physically sick. The thought of somebody seeing my skin without any makeup on was unimaginable.
Olivia has learnt that there is so much beauty in the most “imperfect” parts of ourselves.
Unfortunately, people did notice and some saw it as an opportunity for complete unkindness. Within the first week of coming into school without makeup on, I was directly called names such as “spotty creature” and “she’s so ugly”, as well as people telling me about what was being said behind my back.
I felt completely defeated and alone for such a long time. My skin was only making very little progress, but the comments still seemed to be coming in thick and fast. But with the pain came resilience. I began to realise that pretty doesn’t mean perfect and acne doesn’t mean ugly. This realisation didn’t happen overnight, it was a journey that took time. But as I grew older, more confident and more independent, I realised that the only reason I felt upset about my acne was because it didn’t conform to our society’s beauty standards. There’s nothing wrong with my skin, it’s just different.
If I had role models to look up to during my worst struggles with acne, I wouldn’t have felt so alone.
After around three months of starting the medication, I began to see that my acne was becoming less prominent. I have now been off the medication for two years. Yes, I still have acne scars, and yes I still get spots. But I choose not to let the negativity of those around me consume me, like it used to. Instead, I want to advocate for positive body image and the detrimental effects that commenting on someone’s appearance can have on a person’s wellbeing.
There’s a lot of stigma around acne, and openly talking about our appearance and insecurities. But I believe that if I had role models to look up to during my worst struggles with acne, I wouldn’t have felt so alone. I really don’t feel like there is enough positive coverage of acne and visible differences across the media and in popular culture. Social media is one of the main reasons I became so insecure of my acne. It is way too common to only see people without visible differences on the platform, plus, people heavily edit their photos to show a perfected version of themselves. When you’re scrolling, you start to feel like you’re the only one in the world who looks the way you do.
I believe that if I feel positive about my acne, this will inspire others who have acne or other conditions.
Lack of representation in the media ostracises those of us with a visible difference like acne – as you begin to believe that you will never be as good or as “pretty” as other people. There should definitely be more modelling opportunities, in the media especially, where models do not have to wear makeup or cover up any visible differences to demonstrate that it is completely normal to have imperfect skin, and there is nothing to be ashamed of!
We live in a world where tomorrow isn’t promised and I think it’s so important that we stay as positive as we can, and take each day as it comes without letting our visible differences take over our lives. Being a role model is also very important to me. I believe that if I feel positive about my acne, this will inspire others who have acne or other conditions.
Be the inspiration that your younger self needed and remember, there is so much beauty in the things we consider the most imperfect parts of ourselves.
