I’m Kate and I was born with a strawberry haemangioma, a type of birthmark, on the left side of my face. As the birthmark was situated under my eye, I needed numerous operations to reduce it to save my sight and then reconstruct the left side of my face. As a result, I now have a bump under my eye and limited vision in it.
I am a sociable and confident person but can find new social situations unsettling and stressful. As a teenager and student, I was very anxious about meeting new people or going to new places due to fear of judgment. I often felt that I had to be extra friendly or explain to people why I look the way I do to help avoid thoughtless comments and awkwardness from others.
Over the years I have become more settled in my appearance. However, everyday tasks can still be very tiring, as I never know when I am going to get an unwanted comment and always have to be prepared for staring and double takes.
Talking with others within the visible difference community gave me a whole new toolkit on how to navigate life.
I’ve experienced stares and hurtful comments throughout my life. They can have a long-lasting negative effect and be distressing, not just for me, but also for my family and friends.
In my experience, I have found a common place I receive inappropriate comments is from medical professionals who do not know me and staff in shops. People ask what is wrong with my face and tell me I should consider having plastic surgery (which I have had!) to make my face look symmetrical. I am always surprised that complete strangers think they can tell me to change my appearance, and I am saddened that many also believe that looking different implies that there is something wrong with me.
Growing up, I would accept these comments as normal and expected, even though they were hurtful. This created an unhealthy approach to managing my emotions and accepting myself. I have now decided to challenge thoughtless comments to tackle any misconceptions a person may have. Hopefully, this means others won’t have to experience these comments in the future.
Kate as a baby following the first few procedures on her birthmark
After one unpleasant interaction in a store, I wrote to the company to tell them about my experience in their shop and encourage them to include visible differences as part of their diversity training. The result was positive; the store apologised and acknowledged how distressing the event must have been for me. They told me that they had reviewed their training on employee interactions with customers and acknowledged that their policies did not always consider the experiences of specific groups. My incident was used as an example in further training that was carried out.
I never thought I needed to talk about my experiences of living with a visible difference, but I was always on edge due to constantly thinking about how people would react to me. It was exhausting. After encouragement and support from family, I accessed the one-to-one counselling service at Changing Faces. It helped me to process my multiple operations, the comments I’d received and the unhelpful thought patterns I had learnt. From there, I began to embrace my visible difference.
I later joined the charity’s Peer Group Chat which was again unbelievably positive and empowering. Talking with others within the visible difference community gave me a whole new toolkit on how to navigate life as well as form friendships with others who understood and empathised with my experiences – something I am incredibly thankful for.
I truly believe that my experiences have led to my career in teaching as I am passionate about supporting and working with children.
One day, I would love to be able to leave the house knowing with certainty that I am not going to get a comment about my appearance. Education and representation are powerful tools to help achieve this.
Many of my family and friends have told me that they’ve never had diversity training that features visible difference. That needs to change, so the pain caused by inappropriate comments and staring can end.
I grew up seeing images of people that looked nothing like me. Whenever I did see a person with a visible difference, they were shown as scary or harmful. Those messages made me doubt my own value and gave permission for people to compare me to these characters. Again, more positive representation of members of the visible difference community in the media will help end the pain and discomfort we experience.
Living with a visible difference has been challenging, but I wouldn’t change that I was born with a birthmark. It has shaped my character, developed my skill set and enabled me to view the world with a unique perspective. I truly believe that my experiences have led to my career in teaching as I am passionate about supporting and working with children, particularly those with additional needs or who feel on the outside, to reach their goals and flourish in their communities.
The children I have had the joy to teach are always very accepting of me and I hope because of my experiences, I can help positively develop a child’s self-esteem and respect for all people, no matter what their differences are.
