I’m Debbie and in February 2023 I was diagnosed with a T3 tumour in my lower jaw. I was totally devastated.
29 days later, I was operated on at Ninewells Hospital in Dundee. They removed my lower jaw and 54 lymph nodes in my neck. My face was recreated using the fibula of my right leg. I was in hospital for a month, and it took me a long time to recover when I went home.
My face was changed forever, despite the amazing work that the doctors did. I was depressed and angry. Luckily, I was able to receive therapy through MacMillan and I learned to love myself again.
I receive the odd stare when I’m out and about, but I don’t let it upset me. Mainly the curiosity comes from people who vaguely know me from walking the dog. They ask if I was in an accident, as I now use a stick, and I have no problem telling people I have had cancer.
My mantra throughout has been ‘I am brave, I am not broken.’ During the bad days in my month-long hospital stay, this was something I clung to.
Unfortunately, some people have disappeared from my life following my surgery, but I have gained some new friends in their stead who love me exactly for who I am. It’s great to have a supportive group of people around me in case I ever have a bad day.
I am now proud of my face. It proves that I am a warrior. The first day after my surgery, I decided to take pictures of myself so I could track my progress and get used to the way I looked. I knew that it was important that I learn to accept what happened to me, and it’s amazing to look back on those pictures and see how far I’ve come.
While I’ve never felt a sense of identity loss, there are still occasions where I feel, is this really me? Mindfulness is something I’ve practiced for years, and it’s really helped me when this type of thought crosses my mind. I am now in a much better place, and although I will always have pain and get stares from other people, I really don’t mind. I am still here, still me, and still fabulous!
To anyone who is having surgery which might impact your appearance, be brave and take pictures of yourself from day one. You will find it beneficial later on. My mantra throughout has been ‘I am brave, I am not broken.’ During the bad days in my month-long hospital stay, this was something I clung to. Things will get better.
