I’m Kate and I was born with microtia, which means my left ear didn’t develop, leaving me partially deaf as well as having a visible difference.
Having a disability alongside looking different added another level to the challenges I’ve faced. My speech and communication skills were impacted, but I’ve not let that get in the way of living my life.
When I was young, I saw a doctor at Great Ormond Street Hospital who specialises in microtia. We discussed that I could have surgery to make my ear look “normal”, but we didn’t end up going ahead with it. I was often ill with ear infections, so my parents didn’t want to add surgery on top of that.
Both in terms of appearance and ability, it was clear I wasn’t like my peers, and that felt quite isolating.
Growing up, my parents never made a big deal out of my visible difference, which helped me to build my confidence. Finding Nemo came out when I was a child, so sometimes I’d think of myself as Nemo, and this helped me to accept my difference further.
While I never got bullied about my ear, I have received inappropriate comments over the years. Some were meant to be supportive, such as “at least you can hide it with your hair” but were invalidating. Others were more malicious. For example, when I was in nursery, my mum spoke to my teachers about my condition and their response was “I’ll just yell at her then”.
I also had a boy that I was dating say “in future, would you consider getting the surgery on your ear?”, suggesting he couldn’t accept me as I was. These types of comments particularly bother me, as they imply that I have something to be ashamed of, or that I need to change myself, which obviously I don’t. Hiding my difference has never been a priority for me. I often wear high ponytails that show my ear and even shaved my head once. I found that most people either didn’t notice my difference, or simply didn’t care.
Kate doesn’t want to have to hide her ear
There have been points where I’ve felt lonely because of my condition. I hadn’t met someone else with microtia until a couple of years ago when I was volunteering backstage at a theatre. A person in the tech department who was in his 70s also had the condition. It was amazing to meet someone who understood my experiences. He had only been diagnosed with microtia the year before, because it wasn’t a known condition when he was growing up, so it was interesting to chat about what his life had been like.
While I haven’t had wellbeing support specifically for my visible difference, I have spoken about the impact it has had on me in therapy. I discovered that my character has been shaped by the way I was treated as a child by some adults, such as my nursery teachers who didn’t accept me.
Finding the “box” that I fitted into when growing up was difficult, because I wasn’t fully deaf, but I still needed support. Both in terms of appearance and ability, it was clear I wasn’t like my peers, and that felt quite isolating.
We can’t keep basing morality on appearance – these stereotypes damage us all.
However, I’ve now found the people who love me unconditionally and have an amazing support network. My advice for others who might be struggling with having a visible difference is to be open about what bothers you. You don’t have to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself. People might stare or make nasty comments, but that’s a reflection on them, not on you. You deserve to be happy with who you are.
Representation of visible differences has become a passion of mine, so much so that I’m writing my master’s dissertation on how visible differences are portrayed in films. I believe the more normalised difference becomes, the less negativity the community will have to deal with, and film has an important role to play in that.
I wasn’t sure how my tutors and classmates would respond to my dissertation, but everyone has been so supportive and agree that it’s an issue that needs to be addressed. This was hugely validating for me. People want to see talent not “beauty” on screen. We can’t keep basing morality on appearance – these stereotypes damage us all.
