I’m Georgina and I was born with a cleft lip and palate.
From a young age I knew I ‘looked different’, but I wasn’t treated in a way that made me feel like it was something bad, more that I was ‘special’. I was the only child in my primary school year group to have been born with a cleft lip and palate, and one of two in the whole school.
I enjoyed my trips to the hospital to see different specialists and to undergo treatments and surgeries, particularly with getting time out of school to go on what felt like an adventure!
Whilst there was some isolated name-calling and occasional bullying associated with my cleft, overall, my primary school journey was a positive one. I made friends easily and was mostly a happy child.
However, this all changed after starting secondary school. Suddenly there was a spotlight on my appearance. There were many comments made about my cleft, and my face generally, as well as a lot of name-calling. Some of it was from classmates, including people I thought were my friends, some of it was from children in other year groups and some of it was from strangers whilst out in public.
Bullying isn’t just something kids go through; it is a form of hate that has long-lasting impacts.
I was called names such as ‘dodgy face’, ‘crow nose’, ‘bent nose’ and ‘funny lip’. I was told I was deformed and referred to as ‘her with the face’. Some even did distorted impressions of the way I look to get a laugh out of others. I did well academically, but secondary school was a horrible period of my life.
Then, just as quickly as things changed for the worst, things changed for the better. With the battering that my self-esteem took at secondary school, I still don’t know how I was brave enough to move away to a university many miles from home, but I did, and I had a great time.
It’s now been two decades since I left secondary school and whilst I am in a good position in my life and have a fantastic husband, a great career, two amazing little boys and a close network of supportive friends, I cannot quite shake the damage that was done to my self-esteem.
Georgina with her two childrenI still remember each and every comment and who was involved. Sometimes I wonder if they feel any shame or remorse for how they treated me. Even now, I get paranoid that people are talking about me and worry that people don’t want to be associated with me.
Given that a lot of my negative memories are from that time in my life, I think there needs to be targeted intervention in secondary schools, including specific education about what can be considered a hate crime. Bullying isn’t just something kids go through; it is a form of hate that has long-lasting impacts. There also needs to be more of a focus within schools on the celebration of visible differences – alongside all other kinds of differences – to try and avoid others going through what I did.
I cannot change what I went through, and it will stay with me for the rest of my life, but to anyone suffering with bullying, for whatever reason, know that things do get better. Stay strong and keep going!
