I’m Shabana and I was born with a cleft lip and palate, which affects the left side of my face. So many times, I have been asked “do you mind if I ask you a question?”. I know what the question will be…”what happened to your face?”.
When I was a little, my parents got asked the same question a lot from people. My mum would explain about my cleft and then would always say that they were thankful that I can talk (I can always talk!) and walk. How I looked wasn’t a concern to them, so why should it be to others?
Growing up with a cleft, I was always aware that people would stare or make comments. I was unsure how to deal with people’s curiosity and found it too upsetting and uncomfortable to address. When people made fun of me or stared at me as a child, my dad used to say to me “do your fingers all look the same?”, my answer was “no, dad”. He told me that everyone is different, just like our fingers, and that isn’t a bad thing.
Growing up with a cleft brought challenges for Shabana
Because my mum and dad always told me that my scar wouldn’t impact what I could achieve, I went on to become a confident girl who became a confident woman – some may say too much so! Now when people comment, I see it as a moment to educate.
I remember my mum telling me about the first operation I had to repair my cleft lip. She said it was on the day that Princess Diana and Prince Charles were getting married. She was in floods of tears when I was being taken into the theatre, and the nurses were trying to divert her attention by telling her to watch the big wedding. My mum said she felt like saying “I don’t care about the bloody wedding, my daughter is having her first operation”, but I think due to language barriers, she kept quiet!
I went on to have quite a few operations, including a bone graft, skin grafts, and dental treatment. At the age of 16, my parents and I were given the option for me to have plastic surgery, but by that stage I had become a confident girl who didn’t care what people thought, so I decided no more cleft-related operations. Everyone had to accept me for me!
When I tell my daughter that she is beautiful, she says “mummy, I get my beautifulness from you”. She makes me so proud.
I am me, and I am very confident being me. I have my parents to thank for that, and I will always be so grateful to them. My advice to anyone struggling with their visible difference, is everything in life is a process, don’t be scared to look different – embrace it, educate others, and be yourself.
