My name is Yunus and I was born with a large birthmark on my face. This was removed when I was a child, resulting in a huge scar and a permanent effect on my life.
I wasn’t particularly aware of my visible difference until I was around 11 years old. People started developing romantic interests, and I noticed that society was very focused on what your social status is. Both of which seemed to go hand in hand with how you looked.
When I looked in the mirror, I started using negative language to describe myself. I couldn’t help my brain saying things like “why are you ugly?”.
When conversations about the way people look came up, I’d get so anxious and try to navigate away from the conversation. Unfortunately, this is something I still haven’t completely overcome, leading to me becoming the silent third party during those moments. Stopping negative thoughts about my appearance has been hard.
Yunus is on a journey of self acceptance
Sometimes, those of us with visible differences wish we were “normal” – but why? I truly believe that our visible differences shape who we are. It shapes our empathy, kindness, generosity and character, and this is something that shouldn’t go unnoticed. We might have lost our confidence, but it’s possible to build it back.
I want to raise awareness about visible differences and let people know that being superficial in life is not a good trait. This message needs to be delivered to people from a young age to root it into their thought processes and help them grow into empathetic adults.
The reactions of others have made it difficult to learn to accept myself. Children stare, which I understand is usually curiosity, but adults stare too. I sometimes try to give eye contact to strangers, and they look at me in disgust or quickly look away. On public transport, rarely ever do people sit next to me. It feels like people want to stay away from me.
We internalise the beliefs that we feed our minds, so actively try to think positive thoughts.
I don’t blame anyone for judging me or avoiding me because they worry about the impact it might have on their image. I know we all have our own anxieties. But, if everyone was taught how to navigate difference as children, we would be in a fairer society where looks aren’t everything. We need to value character over appearance.
Seeing people on social media who champion the visible difference community has really helped my confidence. The influencer Nikki Lilly has helped me to develop mine significantly. Watching her embrace her visible difference instead of rejecting it, has shown me the power of learning to accept yourself.
If you’re struggling with your visible difference, I would advise working on reprogramming your mind to believe that you hold value. Seek out groups or others who may be able to relate to your experiences. We internalise the beliefs that we feed our minds, so actively try to think positive thoughts. Things won’t improve overnight but making a consistent effort every day helps.
