I’m Amanda, and I grew up with a port wine stain birthmark during a time where you were either considered ‘normal’ or ‘not normal’.
There was very limited acceptance of difference, and this made growing up with a birthmark very difficult. I always felt different as a child, and while some of that could have been attributed to my autism diagnosis in my 40s, much of it stemmed from how others reacted to the way I looked.
Kids (and even adults) would stare, laugh and talk about me. I was even told I couldn’t do things because of my birthmarks. One of those things was performing on stage, which from the age of four, was all I wanted to do! But I rarely let it stop me. Over the years, I’ve become a cheerleader, a makeup and skincare consultant, a nurse, and at one point, was even asked to be a promo model!
I’m old enough to know my worth and I am proud of myself.
Still, the reactions of others towards my port wine stain birthmark, particularly growing up, deeply affected my confidence and my willingness to mix with others. My mother encouraged me to wear makeup from a very young age, especially for special occasions where photos were taken, like taking a picture with Father Christmas. As I got older, I wouldn’t leave the house without makeup and would even go home at lunch to reapply it. Ironically, I was later teased for the makeup I wore and the clothing I used to cover up the birthmarks on my legs.
Amanda was encouraged to wear makeup from a very young age, especially for special occasions where photos were taken.
I am now almost 49, and whilst I can’t recall an exact turning point, I did start to gain confidence and more self-worth. I think it was a gradual process – ditching makeup for some big sunglasses and a cap, and starting out with places familiar and comfortable to me. Slowly, I became more confident in my skin, and today, I rarely care anymore. I’m old enough to know my worth and I am proud of myself. Today, I wear makeup to work, mostly to avoid unnecessary comments. But otherwise, I’m proud of who I am and how far I’ve come.
Having people that look beyond your difference in your life is so important. For me, the unwavering support of my nana and my brother growing up, a few close friends, and now, my children and husband, has been a huge source of strength. I’m also incredibly thankful for charities like Changing Faces and the communities they create.
Motherhood has changed my perspective, too. My beautiful children have never questioned how I look – it’s just part of who their mum is. It’s refreshing that a birthmark is nothing unusual to them. Occasionally, they’ll mention something if a classmate comments, but otherwise, it’s not an issue. Their acceptance has made them more open to differences in others, and that gives me so much hope.
For me, true acceptance and representation of difference is so important to allow future generations to avoid the experiences that I encountered growing up. It also means breaking down outdated stereotypes. We’ve come a long way since the 70s, but there’s still work to do. It’s about valuing people for their talents and what they have to offer. It’s about embracing all kinds of beauty rather than what society has told us is ‘normal’. It’s about people with visible differences not being cast aside because we don’t fit the mould that this society has created. I would love to see broader representation in the media, because everybody deserves to be seen.
If you’re reading this and struggling with acceptance or feeling isolated because of a port wine stain birthmark or another type of visible difference, please know this: you are not less than, or faulty in any way. You have so much more to offer than what others can see – and your difference is what makes you beautifully unique. Share your acceptance of difference with others. Be determined and know that you are just as capable of living a full, meaningful life. You are strong, you are kind, and you absolutely deserve every opportunity that comes your way.
