I’m Katie and I have Kyphosis Scoliosis, which causes severe curvature of the spine.
Until 2022, I’d never been to the beach in a swimsuit, at least not since I was little. I was so afraid of what people would say or do. In the past, I’ve had people stare, whisper or make unwanted comments and for a long time it made me feel ashamed, as if my visible difference is something I should hide (spoiler alert: it’s not).
I didn’t just avoid wearing swimsuits either. I would avoid wearing anything that would show off my back and I would even wear hoodies in the height of summer. I was uncomfortable physically, but the fear I had about people’s reactions to my visible difference was more intense that the discomfort from the heat. I thought enjoying summer with a visible difference was impossible.
Wear the shorts, the cute dresses and the swimsuits. You’ve got every right to be comfortable when the weather is hot.
As I’ve got older, I’ve learnt that I shouldn’t have to hide any part of myself to make myself “acceptable” to other people. Do the stares and whispers still make me uncomfortable? Yes. But I was uncomfortable when I was covering up too. I’m proud of who I am, and I shouldn’t have to hide.
When I decided to take the plunge and wear a swimsuit to the beach while on holiday, it was nerve-wracking. However, it turned out to be a really positive experience! After a while, it wasn’t anywhere near as scary as I imagined it would be – I even did it more than once that holiday. It felt so empowering, and it gave me that push and confidence to go out my comfort zone more often.
It hasn’t been easy to get to this point. It’s been years of work and there are still some days where I do want to cover up and hide but know this: you are not alone in these feelings. I know it can feel that way when you’re the only person with a visible difference in the room, but there is a whole community out there who understand what you’re going through.
Katie wants to wear whatever she likes without having to worry about people’s reactions
A motto I’ll always stand by is “fake it till you make it”. Walk into the room (or onto the sand!) like you deserve to be there, because you do. Wear the shorts, the cute dresses and the swimsuits. You’ve got every right to be comfortable when the weather is hot.
I’m lucky to be surrounded by the most supportive people who encourage me to do these things and give me the reassurance I need sometimes. I know if a stranger was to make a cruel comment, they’d have my back.
If you’re on the journey to finding your confidence, take it a day at a time, be kind to yourself, and surround yourself with the right people. You are unfortunately going to have bad days where all you want to do is hide away, but there will also be good days where the stares and whispers won’t feel quite as much. Embrace those days – there are many more to come! You deserve to enjoy summer too.
