Shortly after my daughter Gracie was born, she started developing birthmarks on her face and body. At first, we thought she had just scratched her face, but she also had a larger mark on the top of her arm. The doctors identified them as strawberry birthmarks, but beyond that, we were given very little information about what treatment options were available to us, something I felt frustrated with down the line.
Gracie has had 66 birthmarks in total, of varying shapes and sizes. The more visible birthmarks have exposed us to negative reactions from people, which can be very difficult to deal with. But Gracie is a 10-year-old bundle of energy and joy, with such a kind heart. I wish people had stopped to think of the consequences before their curiosity got the better of them during these times. To see Gracie for the little girl that she is – one who loves doing things that most kids love to do, like playing football and being outside – exploring the countryside with our dog Dexter.
Luckily, Gracie takes any person’s curiosity in her stride. She recently received counselling support which was really positive.
As a parent, seeing other people’s reactions to Gracie’s appearance can make me feel angry and upset. When Gracie’s birthmarks were more prominent, people would stare. We found this rude and intrusive, especially as we were already anxious about her birthmarks. We were told that the larger birthmark on her face would bleed significantly if she fell or knocked it. All of this made me just want to protect my little girl.
Some instances stand out in my memory, even today. I remember taking Gracie swimming as a baby whilst we were on holiday and noticing that people would move away from her in the pool – as if she were contagious. Another time, a child at my son’s school told him that Gracie’s appearance made them feel sick.
When Gracie’s birthmarks were more prominent, people would stare.
Luckily, Gracie takes any person’s curiosity in her stride. She recently received counselling support which was really positive. I only wish it had been offered to her earlier, when the birthmarks on her face and body were even more prominent. As a parent, I think it would have been nice to have been offered counselling. Trying to navigate the emotional weight of raising a child with a visible difference can be overwhelming, and support is vital.
That’s why charities like Changing Faces are so important. They understand the emotional challenges around visible difference, and they have different services and support options that are designed for the child and also the family, should they need it. Their one-to-one counselling support would have been helpful to know about sooner – as wellbeing practitioners provide tools and strategies to help deal with unwanted attention and build confidence.
Thankfully, Gracie hasn’t faced any issues at her primary school. Before she started, I made sure to share information with staff, but I would love to see visible differences acknowledged more openly in schools.
Advocate for counselling, for your child and for yourself.
Strawberry birthmarks on the face and body are common, particularly in girls, low birth weight babies and premature babies. Gracie was all three, I know there are many other parents out there in similar situations.
One in four people has a visible difference. So why don’t we see more representation in schools, in teaching about difference, and in conversations around kindness and inclusion?
Gracie’s birthmark on her face has now faded, and she’s left with loose skin. We’ve talked about the possibility of having this removed, but she doesn’t want to. She says it’s part of her personality. That resilience is just one of the many things I admire about her, and I hope it stays with her. All I can do is continue to teach her that a person’s appearance does not determine what kind of a person they are. Gracie makes me proud every day, she has overcome so much.
To any other parents going through something similar, my advice is this: push to be seen by specialists. I didn’t realise how much help was available, and by the time we found out, it felt like we’d missed opportunities. Advocate for counselling, for your child and for yourself. It’s crucial to have the right emotional support to navigate the challenges that come with a visible difference.
