Navigating comments about your visible difference webinar – Q&A

Our Navigating comments about your visible difference webinar can be watched here.

The answers below cover both questions asked on the night and those we didn’t have time to address.  In some cases we have summarised the answer, so may differ slightly to the answer given.

How do you manage anxiety and negative thoughts when facing a new group of people for the first time, for example, in the workplace?

This is a challenge that many people with a visible difference face, and there is no single answer that works for everyone.

An empowering approach is to focus on showing up authentically. There is real strength in vulnerability. When a person presents themselves as they genuinely are, they take ownership of the situation in a way that others cannot undermine. This is not easy, and it may take years to reach that point, but it is a powerful,

It is also important to remember that confidence is not linear. Even people who have worked hard on self-acceptance can be caught off guard by an unexpected comment or reaction. That does not represent failure, it is a normal part of the experience.

How can you stop feeling afraid that someone will disrespect or disregard you in a professional setting, such as when giving lectures, tours, or presentations?

Navigating life with a visible difference positively does not mean never feeling afraid of people’s reactions. What matters is knowing how to recover after a difficult moment, that is where real confidence lives.

A helpful starting point is building a sense of self-worth from a place of neutrality, rather than trying to force positivity through affirmations that may feel hollow or unsustainable.

This begins with acknowledgement: this is my face, and it deserves kindness. That act of self-acknowledgement, repeated genuinely over time, allows you to move gradually from neutrality, to acceptance, and eventually to a place of self-worth.

Another key insight is to be careful not to reject yourself before others have the chance to. Pre-emptive self-rejection can be just as damaging as external negativity.

It also helps to acknowledge reality clearly: a visible difference means your appearance will register with people before your personality, credentials, or expertise do. Accepting this reality, rather than resisting it, removes its power. The answer is not to shrink or apologise — your face is yours, it is not a problem, and the space you are in is yours to occupy. Walk in, do not apologise, and let your work speak for itself.

What protections are in place in the workplace for people with a visible difference, particularly if they feel they are being discriminated against by managers or colleagues?

There are legal processes and protections that apply to people with a visible difference in the workplace, but the definitions can sometimes be complex and may involve grey areas that require specific legal advice.

If something does not feel right, if your instincts are telling you that you are not being treated fairly, or if a situation is having a real impact on your wellbeing, it is important not to suffer in silence. You do not need to have everything figured out, or be able to prove discrimination immediately, before reaching out for support.

Organisations such as Changing Faces can help direct people to relevant resources and provide guidance on who to contact for legal advice. They can help you understand your options, feel empowered, and find a space where your experience is acknowledged.

There is also a wider community of people who have navigated similar situations and may be able to share their own experiences and advice.

How have you developed such a positive mindset in relation to your visible difference?

For many people, reaching a positive place has been the result of an intentional, deliberate process, not something that happened automatically.

For some, the turning point came from recognising that their condition was affecting not just themselves but those around them, and making a conscious decision to take a different path. Intentionality is central to this: deciding to engage actively with one’s situation, rather than allowing it to simply happen.

The process often begins at a point of neutrality, not forcing love or positivity, but starting with simple acknowledgement: this is my face. Is it perfect? No. But it is mine, it carries who I am, and it deserves kindness. Repeating this honestly, over time, allows the brain to begin to believe it. From neutrality comes acceptance, and from acceptance, self-worth can grow.

How do you handle someone becoming distracted by your visible difference mid-conversation, for example, if you notice them staring?

There is no single right answer to this, responses will vary depending on the person, the situation, and how you are feeling on a given day.

One approach that some people find helpful is to address it directly but gently, by naming what they seem to have noticed. For example, asking whether they have noticed a particular feature, such as an eyebrow that does not move, and then going on to explain it. This can turn the moment into an opportunity for education, which takes the awkwardness out of the interaction.

Many people find that others who stare or react are not doing so out of malice, but simply because they do not understand the condition. Conditions such as facial palsy are often confused with other things, such as a stroke. By sharing a brief explanation of their own lived experience, people can help build understanding and turn an uncomfortable moment into a positive one.

Some people find, over time, that they actually welcome these moments as opportunities to raise awareness. If that shift feels like a long way off, that is understandable, but it is worth knowing that it is possible.

Can you explain the ERD tool and how it can help people navigate questions or reactions about their visible difference?

The ERD tool is a simple, practical technique that can be applied in a wide range of social and professional situations. It stands for Explain, Reassure, and Divert. You can find out about it here.

Any tips for work calls on camera or job interviews?

We have lots of advice around working when you have a visible difference, which include preparing for a job interview, deciding if you want to talk about your visible difference, and what your legal protections are in the workplace which are linked here.

You can also contact our Support and Information Line, if you want a space to talk things through. You also have the option of using the ERD tool in any setting, and if you want to discuss with colleagues, you can always bring the topic up, you don’t have to wait for someone to ask a question or to make a comment. Sometimes people find taking control of the situation in this way empowering.

How do you cope with doctors or medical professionals who casually make fun of your facial differences when you are not comfortable with them doing so?

Challenging a professional can feel really difficult but no professional should make fun of your difference. The NHS has set values (including compassion, respect and dignity) which all staff are expected to demonstrate. Health care professionals will also be registered with regulatory bodies which set standards for their profession and care.

You may want to share feedback or make a complaint more informally with the professional after it has happened, taking time to prepare what you would like to say, and how you want to communicate it (in person during an appointment, email, letter etc). You should try to reference what they said and share you didn’t feel comfortable responding at the time, but want to let them know so they can learn and improve the care they provide.

There are also a few systems and organisations in place which can help you make more formal complaints, contact our Support and Information Line if you would like further signposting around these.

If the situation was to arise in the future and you would like to address it in the moment, we popped a few options below, but play around with what language feels comfortable and natural for you.

• Sometimes people use humour or make jokes about my difference without realising the impact it has on me
• You may not have meant to cause offence, but that joke made me uncomfortable.
• I find it upsetting when people make jokes about my difference so I would ask you not to
• I don’t feel comfortable with jokes about my appearance.

How can you help young people who have been bullied due to a visible difference rebuild their confidence, and what can those around them do to offer the best support?

The most important thing you can do is be there for them by providing a space for them to talk openly about how they are feeling and experiencing the world. They may not always want solutions, or for you to fix things, so use lots of active listening skills to help them feel heard and validated. There may also be times where you ask them if they want to think about what options they have or things that might help together, some of our resources and services cover these which I have linked below.

Advice for parents talking to your child about bullying.

Tips for building your child’s self-esteem and confidence

You may also want to contact us on our Support and Information Line, or register for our parent’s workshops, which cover supporting your child in a bit more detail, which you can find here.

As a parent navigating visible differences with your child, what advice do you have, and are there any resources or materials available to share with schools from primary through to secondary age?

We have advice and guidance for parents and families supporting a young person with a visible difference on our website here, as well as Workshops which provide practical advice, tips and tools to deal with a range of issues. You are also welcome to get in contact with us on our support and information line to discuss things further.

For schools, we have our A world of difference resources which are designed for both primary and secondary schools and include assembly and classroom resources, and guidance, training and CPD pages for teachers.

How would you offer support to someone who is struggling with a visible difference and what sort of language would you use?

There are lots of ways to support someone with a visible difference with one of the main things being a safe person they can talk to about how they feel and what is on their mind. If you know they are struggling, check in with them more often and ask them if they want to talk. They may not always want to, and that’s fine too, you can still spend time with them doing things they enjoy and just let them know you are there if they ever want to talk.

If they do want to talk, one of our staff shared a blog on being a good listener and you can view it here.

In terms of language, we usually recommend using the same language the person choses to describe their visible difference. If you feel unsure, you can always ask them, but generally its good to stay away from language which may have negative connotations instead choosing more neutral terms.

How do you respond confidently and without guilt to comments about your visible difference, whether they are blunt questions, negative remarks or mockery, and what do you do when someone’s attitude seems impossible to change?

Feeling prepared and having practiced responses can really help you to feel more confident when answering comments. It can be difficult in anxiety provoking situations to think on the spot what you want to say, so rehearsing in advance with friends, family or Changing Faces is a good idea. Try using our Explain Reassure and Divert tool to see if it helps get you started. Remember, the explain reassure and divert tool is for you too, if the situation arises, Explain to yourself someone has made a comment and acknowledge how it is making you feel. Reassure yourself, you have a prepared response or that you have managed similar situations before and then divert your attention to something more calming once you have responded in the way you want. We have tips on building confidence and managing anxiety on our website which can be really helpful too.

If you feel someone is being intentionally rude, you do not have to talk to them or explain anything about your visible difference. It’s up to you how you chose to respond, it may depend on the day, the person, how you feel etc. The most important thing is that you prioritise your safety and wellbeing. You may want to walk away, say you don’t want to talk about it, or point out their comment came across as rude, or has made you uncomfortable.

We can’t always change people’s attitudes but try to focus on what you can control. Having boundaries and taking care of yourself can feel uncomfortable at first, and even make us feel guilty, but that doesn’t mean we have done anything wrong. Your allowed to let someone know that the way they are behaving is having an impact on you or that things they are saying are upsetting. It’s up to them if they listen, change or apologise but you can chose how you respond or how often or how much you interact with them.