The Feel Good Tool

Often when we don’t feel confident, we often stop doing the things we enjoy. Our negative thoughts can get us down and mean we don’t have the energy or worry it will be too difficult or upsetting, and so it seems easier not to do things. It can be difficult to feel motivated and positive – and then we might end up with more time to dwell on negative thoughts, which can, in turn, make us feel worse and less inclined to do things we enjoy.

Meet Karen.

Karen loves socialising, and spending time with her friends. Karen noticed that when things weren’t going well for her, she would start to think more about her appearance, even when it wasn’t related. This made her feel less confident – and because Karen felt less confident she found herself not wanting to go out and see friends. Instead Karen spent more time at home, thinking more about things that she was finding difficult. She wasn’t enjoying things and she had got a bit stuck.

Karen decided she needed to break the cycle, and even though she wasn’t feeling very confident, she knew she needed to see her friends. Karen started off small, meeting friends for a coffee in a local coffee shop. This made her feel good and afterwards, she realised that it actually hadn’t been as difficult as she had thought. Over time Karen started to build up more contact with her friends, which meant she spent less time overthinking things and more time enjoying herself.

It was hard, and some days getting out of the house felt more of a struggle than others, but eventually Karen built herself back up and started to think about other positive things she could do with her time, like starting to exercise and joining a choir.

If you would like to do more activities that you enjoy, try the following suggestions and see if this helps with boosting your motivation and reducing your worries. You might want to make some notes on a pad or in your phone, or even in a journal.

Things I have stopped doing

Take some time now to think about things you might have stopped doing. (NB: You might not have stopped doing anything and that’s great, in this case move on to the next section)

Things I enjoy and that make me feel more confident

Now take some time to think about things that you enjoy and the things that make you feel more confident. This might having a coffee with your friend, going for a walk, doing a hobby or going to the gym. You could even start with smaller things like listening to music or reading.

Things I would like to try

You might also want to build up to adding in some things you would like to try, like a new hobby or somewhere you have been meaning to go for ages.

Make a plan

You might decide that you want to make a plan, to help you start doing some of the things above. Using a journal or calendar or online – think about your typical week. Write down your weekly routine and take a look at it.

Some people notice that their week is full of lots of things that they have to do (eg: going to work, house work, child care, appointments), but not a lot of what they enjoy for themselves.

To help with this, start to schedule in some time for things you enjoy. This might start with an hour to read or meditate or an afternoon or evening to do a hobby. Don’t feel like you have to do everything at once, you can schedule in different things for different weeks, but it’s good to recognise that you can carve out time for yourself and this is ok – it is an important part of your confidence and happiness.

So, even if you start small, building in a few things into your routine that you enjoy will bring balance and enjoyment into your life, and this may help you to naturally feel happier and more confident in yourself.
You might like to look at the other Confidence Tools in this section to find more tips.

SMILE Tool

Read

Motto Tool

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