Talking to your child about her disfigurement

Your child is likely, at some point in her life, to encounter reactions of curiosity, surprise or even dislike from others. If you can talk to her about her disfigurement with confidence and in a matter-of-fact way right from a baby, you are instilling the belief that her difference is ok and she is ‘ok’.

A positive image of self, that includes not only her disfigurement but also an acknowledgment of her attractiveness, talents, positive personality traits, likes and dislikes will also help her to feel confident in social situations. She will also find it easier to answer questions from her peers in a straightforward and open way.

Finding the words and bringing your child’s difference or disfigurement into everyday family conversation can be a difficult or worrying prospect for a parent. The ideas and suggestions contained in our guides for parents specifically on this topic may be helpful to you:

When your baby looks different (0-3 years)

Talking to young children about disfigurement (3-6 years)

Talking to older children about disfigurement (7-11 years)

If you are thinking, “the ideas make sense but I just can’t do it.” don’t worry. At this point in time you may have other priorities – your child may only recently have acquired her visible difference or may be undergoing treatment. You may find that you have complex feelings about your child’s condition and experience and find it difficult to use the ideas.

Many parents find it helpful and reassuring to talk to someone at Changing Faces who understand the unique situation you are in.

As children get older they don’t always want to turn to their parents to discuss their worries. It can be helpful for them to have someone at Changing Faces they can talk to if they feel embarrassed or find it difficult to talk about their appearance. If they are 11-21 years they can also visit www.iface.org.uk , a website created by Changing Faces’ Young People’s Council where young people with and without disfigurements can discuss and find support from each other on the issues that matter to them.