Handling other
people's reactions

You might be standing in the queue to pay at the supermarket when you suddenly notice that someone is staring intently at your child and nudging their companion. You might be walking down the street when someone just comes right up and asks about your child’s appearance. Young children are incredibly curious, they look intently at things and ask very straightforward questions. Some people are genuinely concerned. Others may be familiar with your child’s condition and may want to offer a friendly word.

This sort of casual encounter is often difficult for parents because it is unexpected and it can often feel very intrusive. Many parents we speak with tell us that they often feel completely unprepared to deal with this sort of curiosity and it can leave them feeling angry, upset and powerless.

The Explain-Reassure-Distract technique can help you to act in a way which makes you feel more in control, puts others at ease and enables you to get on with your day. Being able to handle other people’s reactions confidently and assertively will boost your self-esteem and that of your child. It will also enable you to model for your child how to respond to such curiosity in a positive way so that he can increase his own skills in meeting new people.

This technique is described in detail in three separate age-specific guides so that eventually you both feel able to handle other people’s reactions with confidence.

Meeting people and feeling good for parents of children aged 0-3 years

Meeting people and joining in for parents of children aged 3-6 years

Making friends and fitting in for parents of children aged 7-11 years.

"I just say to people that Lucy's lip was split when she was born, but doctors mended it and she is fine. Then we talk about something else."

Take things one step at a time. On 'good' days you may feel like going to the park or shops and be confident in responding to other people. Remember, you don’t have to explain all the time. If you have a day when you have found other people’s reactions difficult, you may like to do something to relax e.g. go for a cup of coffee, invite a close friend or just have a cry on your partner’s/friend’s shoulder.

You might also find it helpful and reassuring to talk to someone at Changing Faces who understand the unique situation you are in.

As children get older they don’t always want to turn to their parents to discuss their worries. It can be helpful for them to have someone at Changing Faces they can talk to by email, phone or face-to-face in London. If they are 11-21 years they can also join www.iface.org.uk, a website created by Changing Faces’ Young People’s Council.