Your questions answered
I think my child is being bullied, what should I do?
Often children may not tell adults they are being bullied for fear that it will get worse or maybe because they feel that adults are powerless to do anything about it. If you think that your child may be being bullied, signs to look out for are:
- Your child starts to try to avoid going to school or specific lessons
- A sudden falling out with friends that your child does not want to explain
- Your child says, "It's nothing." but shows you through feelings and behaviour that something is upsetting him/her.
- A sudden change in behaviour like withdrawal or lashing out, defensiveness, bed-wetting, nightmares, unexplained crying, poor marks at school.
- Unexplained bruises or scratches, torn/missing books or belongings.
- A drop in self-esteem and confidence.
Children can behave in a cruel way (sometimes without meaning to be) they can be very aware of differences and be hurtful to others they identify as different. If a child has a visible difference this can be an easy thing for another child to focus their bullying on. However it is important to remember that many children who have visible differences do not get bullied and are able to develop strategies for dealing with other people's reactions and have a positive experience at school.
What can you do?
It is important to let your child know that if they are being called names, teased or bullied because of their visible difference this is NOT ok. The advice to ‘ignore it' is not an effective strategy as it is important to reinforce a child's sense that adults can help and to increase his feelings of control and confidence.
Keep a record of any incidences of bullying and report these to your child's school. These should be dealt with in-line with your child's schools anti-bullying policy. You can ask to see a copy of this policy. If you feel that your child's school is not dealing with the bullying effectively, further help on the next steps to take can be found at http://www.beatbullying.org/docs/help/help-for-parents.html or by calling and talking to our School Specialist.
Help your child develop strategies for dealing with comments made by others about their appearance, these strategies can include:
- having something to stay to both inquisitive and mean comments. Help your child come up with answers to tough comments and practise these.
- working out ways of leaving a situation but still feeling in control ("I don't understand what you are getting at, I'm going to go play football")
- developing positive self-talk ("I don't need to listen to this, I am better than that, I am going to find someone else to talk to")
By modelling these strategies you can help your child to develop a range of responses for different situations which will expand over time.
For more information on these strategies see our parent guides or contact our Children and Young Peoples Service.
Encourage your child's skills, abilities and qualities and give them the opportunities to develop and show off these skills and feel good about themselves. This will help to reinforce a positive self-image.
It is important to make your child's difference a subject that can be talked about. They do not need to talk about it with bullies, but they may want to talk about it with potential friends. If other children and adults do not feel they can talk about a child's difference or ask questions they may not get to know your child at all. If you can talk to your child about their visible difference with confidence and in a matter of fact way, you are instilling the belief that their difference is ok. This will increase their confidence in handling comments about their appearance.
By helping your child's school to develop positive ways of supporting your child's difference this can also enable your child to develop their own responses to other people's reactions. For more information please contact our School Specialist.
Other sources of information
Our Parent's guides
