The documentary and posters feature four children who have conditions affecting their appearance. Seeing someone who looks different, who may have scars, no hair, a birthmark or an unusual appearance due to a missing ear or fingers may at first be a shock or surprise. Although it is normal to wonder, “what is that?” or to take a second look these are reactions that someone with a disfigurement experiences every day. Sometimes curiosity and surprise can lead people to focus on the difference or, conversely, avoiding eye contact or normal conversation.

The ideas below offer support for handling feelings, reactions and questions that you or your child may have about the CBBC documentary or posters. They have ideas on seeing beyond a child (or adult’s) difference to notice other things about them (like their confidence, intelligence, the things they like and don’t like doing).

“I’ve never seen anyone who looks like that before.”

If your child has a mark, scar, unusual feature or congenital condition which affects their appearance you may not feel surprised when you see Max, Lauren, Harry and Lucas in the posters.

Alternatively, despite your acceptance of your own child’s visible difference you may find yourself surprised by your response. You may be familiar with your child’s unusual features but unfamiliar with the wider variety of disfigurements that can result from trauma, disease, congenital conditions, strokes etc.

If you have never seen anyone with a disfigurement or visible difference you may find yourself staring for long periods of time or wanting to move away from the poster.  Children may at first be shocked, scared or concerned. It’s normal to notice something different and to feel surprised or shocked or a little uneasy.

Here are some of the things a child might say or do:

• Look, that child looks just like me.

• Oh my gosh, what is that on his face.

• You said the posters were about children just like me. She doesn’t look the same as me.

• That child gets stared at and asked about his difference just like me.

• Wow, he is so confident and does such cool things.

• He looks ugly.

• He is scary.

• She has an amazing smile.

• He is sooooo clever…

People with a disfigurement often say they are OK with being asked politely about their difference but do not like being stared at for a long time, having comments made about them within earshot or being ignored or avoided (like purposefully moving to the other side of a train carriage so as not to sit next to them).

Like anyone else, a normal friendly greeting is the way forward.

“I’m worried about how my child will react if she sees the posters and the documentary.”

Children are naturally curious and inquisitive. It is normal for them to be surprised when seeing someone with a visible difference (even if your child has one too). There are many different conditions and disfigurements. They can lead to red skin, sore skin, wrinkled skin, missing fingers or ears, different shaped ears. It can help to see children’s questions for what they are – often just a search for understanding or to make sense of something new.

A simple explanation is often all that is required. This can help reduce curiosity and allay any fears. Here are some suggestions:

• “He does look different. I am not sure what it is called. I wonder if he likes playing computer games and eating pizza just like you.”

• “Her name is Lauren. She has a patch of red skin on her face. She was born with it.  Shall we find out more about what she likes to do? Let’s read her story on the website."

• "It’s a birthmark."

• “I don ‘t know. His face looks different. It’s just the way he is.”

• “His skin is wrinkled from where he was burnt when he was little. He only has one ear and has lost some hair too”

• "I don’t have all the answers but it seems to me that he is just fine and you don’t have to worry."

Be reassuring too. Explanations can be reassuring too. You can also acknowledge your child’s initial reaction of shock or wanting to shy away and let them know that the children in the campaign may look different, that their skin may be a different colour or texture but that they are not scary.   

You could say, ‘It is strange seeing someone with a mark or scar or unusual feature. I know it is not what you are used to.”

It can help to move the conversation on and to focus on similarities too. You could say, “I bet he doesn’t always like school” or “Remember the BBC film we watched, do you remember what she liked doing in her spare time?”

Read Max, Lucas, Lauren and Harry’s stories with your child to that they can see how they do the same things that other children do, e.g. play football, go to school, get into arguments with their parents.

You can watch the documentary (link) and ask your child questions like:

• “Can you remember what Harry liked doing in his spare time?” “

• What was Lauren’s favourite sport?”

• “What do you think you have in common with the children in the documentary?”

• “How do you think they are different to you?”

Give your child the chance to answer questions honestly. Their answers may be very interesting and revealing. They may find they focus on the difference, or on the children’s experience of being stared at or they may just be really keen on riding a bike just like Harry!

The CBBC documentary starring Harry, Max, Lucas and Lauren, about the making of the campaign, will be transmitted on the 6th March at 11.30am on BBC 2.  

“My child won’t stop talking about the children in the documentary/posters.”

If you want to move the conversation on, you could firmly (but without anger) say, “I can see you are interested in his/her appearance, but we need to stop for now.” Then cheerfully change the subject, “What did Mum want us to get at the shops?” Or “Have you got your football kit ready for school tomorrow?”

“We’d like to find out more about the children’s campaign.”

In 2008 Changing Faces launched a long-term campaign for face equality.  The children’s poster campaign is part of this.  Find out more here.  If you'd like to join the campaign please upload your face to the campaign collage and demonstrate your support.

“We’re finding this really difficult.”

If you or your child would like to speak to someone, in confidence, about how to cope with your, or your child’s reactions to the posters, OR about your experience of living with a visible difference or disfigurement please email the Children and Young People's Service and put “Ad Campaign - CYPS” in the title.